Bravery

In the face of the unknown it takes bravery to move forward. I know that I for one am a chicken. I hate admitting it, but every little change scares me. I adapt well once I allow myself to be swept up in the change. One moment you are standing on the shore looking out into the unknown and the next a wave rocks your world. You find yourself tumbling forward and somersaulting back to the shore. It is frightening and exhilarating, and when you find your way back to your feet you feel stronger. You knew that the wave was coming and yet you stood there waiting. I too am standing on the shore. Watching the waves grow bigger and stronger. I know that I will be on my feet again before I know it, but in the moment I am mesmerized by the fear of what is to come.


It would be so much simpler if it were just me or just Eric and I. Its funny how the miracle of your children puts everything else into perspective. Moving with three children is like moving a mountain! What can we leave, what will we bring, and what will they not miss if it is left behind? All of these questions fill my mind as I wonder how to proceed. If life is a journey what vehicle do you use as you travel? Are you on foot? Do you drive a tank? Are you sailing along? Me I think I feel I am sinking. "Oh sure, you say. Tomorrow will be better, you tell me. Chin up you can do it," you coach. Yet, for all your platitudes I still find myself staring at the waves.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. One very well known quote that we have all heard. Now you just have to figure out what the rest of your life means. For me it is a big step in a scary direction. I know it will change us and I know we will be better for it, but somewhere deep in my heart the facade of bravery falls away and I am a small child wondering what to do. You see, my greatest fear is not the change, but if the change will be the right one. Will this make all the difference in the world or will we be afloat journeying through life forever without our paddles or a sail.

Now after you have pondered all of the levity that I have to offer, feel free to offer me platitudes and reassurance because we both know that when God closes a door he opens a window!


Psalm 40:1
I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.

Fairy Tales

It's a set up you know. Cinderella, the glass slipper, Prince Charming, and most of all the happy ending! What do we expect. We grow up hearing these tales of happily ever after and then reality just isn't quite that. Now don't get me wrong my Prince Charming is pretty Charming! In fact I wouldn't trade him for anything, its the happily ever after part that takes work. Sure there is a ton of happy, but it is give and take. There is also compromise. So here we are self respecting
women who are teaching our little girls that it exists. You don't ever here at the end of the story, and Cinderella and Prince Charming lived happily ever after with a few compromises and a couple of bumps along the road.

So my question for you is what kind of values are most important. Do you teach them that magic really exists. That there is someone out there who will melt your heart and make you forget that everyone else exists. Do you teach them that although life is scary and frustrating the magic is always there all you have to do is believe.

Or, are you a cynic who teaches your children that while glass slippers are nice to look at imagine having the shards surgically removed from your foot if one of them broke. Reality is harsh and cruel and while there may be some exceptions Cinderella stories don't exist.

I myself believe in the magic. I don't need a glass slipper or a white horse to know that tomorrow will be okay. Sure there are bumps in the road and we face the unknown, but that is life. Sometimes part of making the happily ever after real is having the courage and audacity to face life head on and find no fear in tomorrow. If you can dance like no one is watching, love like there is no tomorrow, and believe in magic when you can't see it then you will be okay. Sure the cynic in me says Cinderella is a fool, but the little girl in me is clapping!!!

"There's only grace
There's only love
There's only mercy
And believe me it's enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
There's nothing left now
There's only grace"

Happily ever after is a little bit of work, a lot of love, and the faith to make it happen!

Are you invisible?

Sometimes I feel like screaming. I wonder if I just stood in the middle of a crowded room and screamed would people see me? We all know the answer, of course not. People would see a crazy screaming woman.

Seriously though, what do you have to do to get noticed? To be something more than invisible. Did you know that I live in a community of just under 60,000 people, a fairly small town. Of those people 30,000 are female, of those females 9,000 are approximately my age. Statistics are a funny thing. We can use them to outline data, to explain and reason, but in the end being a number is very lonely. I recently applied for a job, not even a high paying job. Surprisingly enough I was one of 108. Of course that data I choose not to analyze, because statistically speaking the odds are...............

How do you stand out in the crowd, are you invisible? What is it like to be invisible? Are we all so caught up in ourselves that we don't see each other? I look at some of the people I work with. Some I like and some I don't and I wonder: What are they thinking or feeling? Are they okay, or even better off? Sure they have a job, but will it make them happy? I know mine didn't, and the absence of a job while stressful is better than not truly loving what I do.

I would love some statistics. How many of those 9,000 are happy? How many feel invisible? How many are even employed?

In the end I realize life is what you make it. You choose, you can be as invisible as you want to be. Granted there are better ways to gain attention then standing in a crowded room and screaming. I personally recommend reaching out. Because if you feel invisible, then I bet you know someone who feels the same way. All you have to do is reach out and you will make a difference. Then for a magical moment in time you will not be invisible, but will become something more. We are all capable of great things, but sometimes its the little things that we do that make us heroes. I dare you to reach out, and if you really want a challenge reach out to someone you don't like.
Matthew 5:44
But I tell you love thy enemies and pray for those who persecute you.

A Haze

I really don't have anything to say. I know it is a strange combination of writers block and the fact that I got sucked in by that Twilight series.

I have been so busy this year that life has sped by in a haze and now as the year is winding down I wonder what I missed. I also look at my children and realize how much they have grown this year. Olivia used to be terrified of horses, but she climbed right on Rusty and rode him around.

Jack is eating solid foods galore and loves goldfish! He also has two teeth. The first tooth arriving over spring break and the second popped through on Friday.

Jaeg is ever my clutz. He tends to run headlong into walls, tables and chairs. He has grown so much and now he tells me exactly what hurts using full sentences.

Time flies even when you are looking, don't blink or turn away. I know that just yesterday I was holding each of them for the first time!

A Shield

I find myself quite often picturing God with a shield. He is holding it up and battling against our enemies. He rushes into battle fighting for us. Fighting to protect us. The shield is why the drunk driver just clips your car, or the driver in front of you gets the speeding ticket, or the person in the cubicle next to you gets laid off.

In these troubled economic times I wonder if God has enough shields for all of us! I know that if we trust in him, like Moses before us things will be okay. Imagine the fear of facing an army behind you and the Red Sea in front of you. Imagine the impossibility of the water's parting and the path before you opening. If you are like me you cannot even begin to imagine.

I realized just recently that so many people in the world have stopped praying. God didn't answer your prayer for a new job, or not to go bankrupt. He didn't answer your prayer today or yesterday so what it the point?

God hasn't answered all of my prayers this year, but he answered so many unprayed prayers. He was there for the seizure we never expected. The MRI that resulted in good news. He was there every time my children fell down. He is there every time I get in the car. I am alive and well. My children are all healthy and well. We are not hungry or cold. God has answered so many prayers. Remember the next time that you are praying that God might answer a prayer that you haven't yet prayed.

I hope that you feel shielded this week, and hopefully next week I will have recovered from my writer's block!

Breathless

There are moments in life that take our breath away. The birth of a child, the death of a loved one, a wedding, and the list goes on and on. So many of them are to be expected, but what about the moments you don't expect. The moments that take your breath away and steal your heart. They are so unexpected that when they happen your heart melts.


My daughter loves it when I take naps with her. She cuddles up and falls asleep with me next to her. Often I wake up to find her little arm draped across my face. When she is asleep she is so quiet and angelic compared to the busy little singer who runs from room to room making up a world of songs that fill the air.

"There was never a child so lovely, but his mother was glad to get him to sleep."

Today she begged me, mommy come take a nap with me. There are so many things that need to be done. Our dishwasher is broken. I am worrying about work and wondering about the week ahead. The house is messy, the flowerbeds need to be planted, the laundry is piling up, and the only thing my daughter wants is to cuddle up with mommy.

Of course I am too busy, so like any mother I tell her go lay down and I will join you later. Soon I am in the midst of cleaning and sorting. Before too long I reach my bedroom and begin making up the bed, but my pillow is missing. It is not on the bed or even in the room. A quick search reveals that it is neatly laid on my daughter's bed, next to her own pillow. She has nestled up next to it. Waiting and trusting that mommy will come. She trusts because what in the world could be more important than cuddling with her?

Ask yourself a simple question. Really think about it. Do you remember the day that your babies were born? Was it so long ago? Ask your own mother or grandmother that question and you will be surprised to hear it seems like yesterday. A yesterday that can be filled with warm and cuddly memories, or regrets that there was never enough time. Tomorrow is soon enough to do the laundry, tomorrow the dishes will still be waiting, tomorrow the garden will still be there, but in not too many tomorrows the little girl will be all grown up. So for today, the washing will wait, and for today I will treasure the child who tomorrow will be all grown up.


So if you ask me what my plans for this afternoon are, don't be surprised to hear, that I will be napping. The pillow has been prepared for me, and there is someone very special waiting for me. The covers will not reach my toes, and I may have to kick out a stuffed bear or two to make room, but there is no place I'd rather be!

Count your blessings one by one, and forget your sorrows. Remember the bible says to have faith like a child.

My daughter knows that I have so much to do, but because I promised I would snuggle, she has the faith that I will. God is so busy, but somehow he keeps all his promises. He always comes. He will always find the time, but will he find that you are prepared for him?

Waiting

Waiting is a very tricky business. It is hard not to get your hopes up. It is hard not to despair. Somewhere in between we strive to hover neither hoping too much or despairing to heavily. Our hearts are weighted down with the enormity of our task and the hours, minutes, and moments seem to last an eternity.

When you are waiting it is always important to look at others who have spent many years waiting. Look at the Jewish people. First they were waiting to be freed from slavery, and Moses came to them, but then they wandered in the desert waiting to find the holy land. Imagine all that waiting and expecting and then wandering in the desert. Some of them died before they ever got out of the desert.

Waiting can be draining, waiting can be tiring, and waiting can trouble your heart.


My daughter waited with anxious anticipation for Easter and she was more than overjoyed when she came down the stairs that morning. Because waiting is worth it. The great joy that we find is worth all the wait!