Are you too busy to be a good parent?

I am just too busy……… I hear that a lot. In fact the people who are often telling me this have no idea who they are talking to.  I work two jobs, have 4 kids, and serve at church. Eric attends University classes on Saturdays, serves in church, works, and takes care of the kids. Our kids do swimming lessons, soccer, and have school and church functions. We are always busy. Our normal week is packed, but we know when and how to say no.

With that in mind I realize that it is all too easy to become too busy. Hebrews 2: 1-2 Therefore we must give the more earnest heed to the things we have heard, lest we drift away.2 For if the word spoken through angels proved steadfast, and every transgression and disobedience received a just reward,  I refuse to drift away from what is important. Some things are worth giving everything up for. I think some of what our society lacks is passion. What are you passionate enough that you would give up everything for? Would you do it for your church? Is it religion?  How about Jesus? Luke 9:23-25  Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. ²⁴ For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it. ²⁵ For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and is himself destroyed or lost? It doesn’t say if you belong to this special church you will gain the world. It doesn’t say that if you turn around five times before the sun comes up on X day you will gain the world. It doesn’t give you a list of activities to keep you busy. The bible is clear you deny yourself and follow Jesus. Sometimes that means denying what you desire to do so that you can be doing something better.

Really it’s all about priorities. Ephesians 5:15  See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, The fool tries to do it all. They know they can’t accomplish it all, but they are determined to stuff  as much into the time they have as they can. Foolish parents are the norm today. Their kids do homework on the way to one practice or another every night. These kids never eat at home because there isn’t time. They have at least two activities going on every night of the week. Their parents need electronic calendars just to track their schedules and often still find their children double booked. The parents of these children don’t have time for board games, quiet evening walks, dinner around the table as a family, playing with friends, or even family devotions. It’s just impossible to fit it all in.  The good news is that you don’t have to. In fact when asked many of these kids would rather not. This rigorous do it all schedule is as stressful to the kiddos as it is to the parents and often is an attempt for parents to let their kids do all the things they wish they could have done.

To better illustrate why this is wrong I want to tell you about my life. When I was little I wanted nothing more than to be a ballerina. If you know me then you know that would never have happened. I can’t dance, but I did want to do dance. I loved music and dance. My mother was the product of an upbringing where she danced and danced. She wanted me to not have the pressures of that. So I never did it. As a young adult I swore I would put my daughter in dance. My daughter loves music and she would most definitely be good at it. However, my daughter hates performing in front of people. This year is the first year she hasn’t cried through her school’s holiday program. It makes her frantic to be in front of all those people. I know that I would enjoy seeing her dance, but she wouldn’t love it. So the question becomes who would she be doing it for? What would the purpose be? And the big question, is it really a good use of both our time?

Deuteronomy 6: 6-7 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. It seems pretty clear to me that I am to teach my children daily through my interactions with them. This scripture verse makes it clear that we are to make time for meaningful conversations and reflections with our children. I can’t just be the chauffeur and cheerleader at the many events they are involved in. I think it is apparent that as a parent we need to set aside time for these interactions. There’s a big debate about quantity vs. quality and many misconceptions that go with that. I recently heard a speaker talk about new research that says if you have the quantity the quality will follow. Some of the best memories I have growing up were not big planned events. If my parents had been totally into providing quality over quantity I might have missed the lessons learned in the little special moments along the way.

 Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. My goal as a parent is succinctly summarized in proverbs 22:6. I don’t want my children to depart from the path I set them on. If I show them the right path I can sit back and watch them grow and learn, but most of all I want to marvel at the amazing things they  do along that path.  I don’t want them to miss the point of life because they are too busy………………..

Take a minute and write down the three most important priorities in your life today.

1.

2.

3.

What is keeping you from accomplishing those things? Are you too busy being busy?

 

American Dream Casting Crowns

All work no play may have made Jack a dull boy
But all work no God has left Jack with a lost soul
But he's moving on full steam
He's chasing the American dream
And he's gonna give his family the finer things

Not this time son I've no time to waste
Maybe tomorrow we'll have time to play
And then he slips into his new BMW
And drives farther and farther and farther away

So He works all day and tries to sleep at night
He says things will get better;
Better in time

And he works and he builds with his own two hands
And he pours all he has in a castle made with sand
But the wind and the rain are comin' crashing in
Time will tell just how long his kingdom stands
His kingdom stands

His American Dream is beginning to seem
More and more like a nightmare
With every passing day
"Daddy, can you come to my game?"
"Oh Baby, please don't work late."
Another wasted weekend
And they are slipping away

'Cause he works all day and lies awake at night
He tells them things will get better
It'll just take a little more time

He used to say, "Whoever dies with the most toys wins"
But if he loses his soul, what has he gained in the end
I'll take a shack on the rock
Over a castle in the sand
Now he works all day and cries alone at night
It's not getting any better
Looks like he's running out of time
'Cause he worked and he built with his own two hands
And he poured all he had in a castle made with sand
But the wind and the rain are coming crashing in
Time will tell just how long his kingdom stands
His kingdom stands

All they really wanted was You
All they really wanted was You
All they really wanted was You