On marriage

Couples in crisis, Michelle Weiner Davis advises, should bring a beginner’s mind to the process of trying to save their relationship. “I want people to start with a clean slate because they have a lot of misconceptions about marriage and how people change and whether people can change,” she said. “There’s this myth that you need two people actively working on a marriage, when at least 50 to 60 percent of my practice involves working with one person. The reality is that if one person changes how he or she approaches his or her spouse, the relationship changes. You can change a relationship, but you have to start by changing your own behavior.” (From article, Divorce is No Democracy” by Mark Wolf, News Staff Writer)

The problem I see in America today is that we have grown used to things being easy. We don't have to kill a chicken or even cook it to have fried chicken. We can have a wonderful meal without ever setting foot in the kitchen. We have fancy cars, fancy houses, and fancy lives. You would think all of this would make us happy. The problem is we've lost something integral to our lives. It's our passion. You see this most prevalently in the divorce rate today. The divorce rate for Evangelical Christians is 50%. The divorce rate for atheists is 50%. The divorce rate for Agnostics is 50%. It is odd to me that there is no degree of difference between Christians and Atheists in this realm.

Why is it the same for both? The reality is so simple that it is right there before you if you will just look. In today's society the lifestyle of Atheists and Christians is not so very different. Atheists get up every day, work too hard, fill their lives with stuff, and feel empty at night. Christians get up every day, work too hard, fill their lives with stuff, and feel empty at night. Yes I know there are amazing Christians out there who are so passionate about who they are that God has filled their lives with more, but for every passionate Christian I can find you 20 who call themselves Christians. Christian in name alone will not change your life.

Matthew 25: 31-46 shows this in the parable of the sheep and the goats. In this parable the true Christians are separated from the false Christians. Jesus looks at the group standing before him and says: "I do not know you." Imagine the pain of hearing those words. He says them to the people who pursued other passions. Nothing in your life can replace Jesus. If something starts to replace him everything begins to crumble. Your marriage falls apart, your finances aren't in order, and your heart feels broken. In this parable the goats are those people who called themselves Christians, but did not live by their faith. They lived by what the world expected of them. In the end they get what the world gets, nothing. Jesus gives life freely, but in return he asks for you to surrender.Galatians 6:14 May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which^[a] the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world. Die to this world first and be reborn in Christ. 1John 5:4⁴ For whatever is born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith. Through faith you can overcome the world, and you will no longer be a goat.

So the question is why are so many marriages failing? What are Christians doing wrong? I think the answer is so basic and simple that it will surprise you. Christians are not immune to sin. What they are doing wrong is sinning. The greatest sin in marriage is unforgiveness. I love Ruth Bell's quote: " A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers." Marriage is hard. Most people that I know who have been doing it for 15-30 years will tell you that they spent years wanting a divorce. I have met couples who say they hated their spouse as often as they have loved them. Marriage isn't a fairy tale and that is why Christian marriage fail as easily as the rest. When we are not prepared for the inevitable betrayal and heartache that comes from trusting someone who is a sinner we find ourselves lost. Too many Christians think that if they had waited longer, been older, prepared more, or chosen someone different then things would have been better.
People get from books the idea that if you have married the right person you may expect to go on "being in love" for ever. As a result, when they find they are not, they think this proves they have made a mistake and are entitled to a change -not realizing that, when they have changed, the glamour will presently go out of the new love just as it went out of the old one. In this department of life, as in every other, thrills come at the beginning and do not last... but if you go through with it, the dying away of the first thrill will be compensated for by a quieter and more lasting kind of interest. - CS Lewis
You’ve probably heard of the old military expression, “Surrender is not an option.” when a ship’s captain headed into battle—where surrender definitely wasn’t an option—he would give the order to nail his country’s colors to the mast. After the flags were nailed up high, during the battle there was just no way to lower them and run up the flag of surrender. When the crew realized there was no option but to fight, they became more determined to win the battle. This is the same mind set we’re to have in marriage. Our one option in marriage is to stand our ground, fight off the things that would separate us from one another, and find a way to make it work. (Dr Norm Wright, from the book “One Marriage Under God“)

I believe this with all my heart. We often become addicts of the world. John 16:33 These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” You too can overcome what the world has designed for your marriage. For the world only has destruction in mind. The world will dole out too much work and not enough time together. The world will spice it up with pornography and infidelity. The world will cook that all in a pot of betrayal. As if that isn't enough the world will serve it to you in a bowl of shame.

It's time for Christians to say no to the world. Be passionate about the things that matter. These things are simple: My God, My husband, My family, My calling............................. If you conform to the world it will slowly destroy the things that matter. Don't believe me look around you. The evidence might be staring back at you in the mirror.

Great quotes on marriage