The War on Marriage!

Marriage is an issue I have weighed in on often. I strongly believe that Christians need to be better prepared for this covenant. I am often deeply saddened by the failure rate of marriage in this country. The thing is there is more to it than most of us even realize. There is a war being waged against marriage in our country. This war has extreme societal implications, and those waging the war on many sides are both misinformed and often oblivious to the real ramifications.

Marriage is simple and the family unit was first instituted in the garden. God created Adam and Eve. Genesis 2:18 The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”God saw that man was not meant to live alone. So he created the perfect mate for man. God created woman. Genesis 2:24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Thus began marriage. There is no other definition for marriage. It is simply something created by God that is in the very nature of man.

Marriage is the backbone of our society. It is God's design for family. In a Godly marriage children thrive, but research also shows that children in unhappy marriages are significantly more well adjusted than those same children from relatively happy homes with one parent, or divorced parents. This coupled with research on the decline in marriage rates across our country paints a bleak picture. Today in America 30% of all babies are born to single moms. In 1970 only 11% of women in their early 30's were unmarried, but today in America 33% of women in their early 30's are unmarried with no intention of marrying. It has also been noted that children of divorced or single parents are much more likely to never marry.

Why are these statistics important? "Many observers associate the dramatic increase in illegitimacy and divorce with the equally dramatic rise in pathology among the young. Specifically, since 1950, the suicide rate for young Americans has also climbed by about 300%; the homicide rate for Americans under 25 has done the same; drug use has dramatically increased, the arrest rate and the rate of violent criminal behavior among the young have also skyrocketed, especially since 1960."(PAUL C. VITZ) Now we all know that correlation and causation are not the same thing. However, psychologists have been studying correlations for centuries and this strong correlation comes up in study after study. So why isn't anyone talking about it? Paul C. Vitz goes on to say that single parent homes face financial obstacles. In fact research is now showing that divorce often leads to poverty. Lenore Weitzman (1985) has claimed that men have a 42% improvement in their post-divorce standard of living while women have a 73% decline. Additionally, there is research that shows abuse toward children is substantially greater in single parent families. Research shows that children in single parent homes suffer from greater emotional stress, do less well in school, and have higher suicide rates. In the 1960's only 6% of adolescents 12-16 ever received psychological help. By 1981, the year I was born, with divorce on the rise so was psychological support for teens, in fact it nearly doubled. Now I know what you are thinking. You probably jump to the conclusion that I did. Our society was changing so this trend was caused not by single parenting at all. That would seem to hold true if you didn't check the research on kids from homes with two married parents during that same period of time. That research showed a decline in children seeking psychological support.

"The great importance of the father in the development and education of his children — his sons and daughters — is one of the best-documented findings within the social sciences in the last twenty years. These studies give a clearer understanding of the pathologies found in children of divorce."
Just look at the research:
He helps the child to separate psychologically from the mother; teaches it to control impulses and to learn and respond to the laws, rules, and structures of the society; and serves as a buffer for the mother's attention and emotions (both affection and anger) that may be heavily focused on the child. Thus, the father offers the child another reference point and a haven, and helps the mother to avoid over-emotionalizing her relationship with her children. For young children, the father also commonly facilitates intellectual and cognitive development, along with behavioral control. (Duncan, Brooks-Gunn, and Klebanov, 1994).

So children who are raised in homes without fathers are at a significant higher risk for anti-social behaviors, mental health issues, difficulties in school, drug use, and even criminal behaviors. Now I know that there are many people out there who will disagree with me. I know that there are exceptions to statistics in fact there are even statistics on exceptions, but I will save that for another day. The thing is that overall the statistics are very very clear. Marriage is important to society, and as marriage declines societies suffer as whole from a decline. The research on crime alone is enough to make me shudder: In the U.S. 90% of the major and violent crimes are committed by unmarried men (Gilder, 1986, p. 65). And many studies show that a high proportion of the incarcerated offenders come from single-parent or other dysfunctional family backgrounds. (See Chapman, 1986; Beck and Kline, 1988.)


I know that this is a lot of research and if you made it this far you probably came to the same conclusion I have. Marriage is very very important! Fathers play an extremely important role in parenting, and mothers play a similarly important role. One or the other cannot act alone. It takes two to do the job right.

So back to the war on marriage. There are two main groups attacking marriage. The supposedly enlightened feminist movement. This movement should be called the anti-male movement. The goal of this movement is to teach us that men and women are created equally. Sounds good to me, but again the research shows this is just not the case. Extreme feminists believe women are from Venus and men are from Hades, or so I have heard. These feminists have a goal to teach society that anything a man can do a woman can do as well or better. Unfortunately, men are better at strength related tasks, math, and strategy. Women are feelers, they excel in biology, reading, and writing. Of course there are exceptions, but the highest math scores on prestigious tests are almost always received by men. The truth of the matter is that most of the feminist agenda is bunk. However, with money and liberals behind them this bunk pervades our society. These same feminists teach girls that marriage is settling. They teach women that homemakers are second class citizens, and that women are better off without men in their lives.

The second group of highly motivated fully funded extremists who are on the march against marriage is the homosexual community. This group feels strongly that they should have the right to marry. They have the money behind them to lobby and even in some cases buy what they want. If they are lucky they find sympathy among extreme judges who are willing to overlook research, public opinion, and even the votes of people like you and I. These judges rewrite laws based on this agenda. The agenda would tell you that this group deserves to be treated just like heterosexual married couples. This same group tells you that they are fully capable of raising children. They have their children testify and lobby for their parents. In fact some of these children even turn out perfectly normal. But..................the research is clear that children raised in same sex homes most resemble single parent children in behaviors and emotional difficulties. Additionally, there is research that shows other social and emotional implications may be present for these individuals.

Clearly, God's design is best and marriage is already perfect. Why is it under attack, and if all the research shows that marriage is the glue that holds society together why are so many people sitting back and watching? Are we allowing ourselves to become indoctrinated by these false agendas? And of course the biggest question of all how is it hateful to protect marriage? Feminists would have you believe that those who want to protect marriage do so to oppress women. Homosexuals would have you believe that those who fight for marriage are filled with hate and discrimination. They truly believe we fight for marriage not to protect this society and create a place that is safe and wholesome for our children, but out of a bizarre hatred for them and their choices. I can honestly say that I know homosexuals who are very kind and passionate people. They do not live horrible lives, but their lifestyles are very different from mine. As a bible believing Christian my heart is broken for all those out there who refuse the gift of grace. Whatever you chase with your whole heart that is your passion. These passions can easily become the idols our society worships instead of God. The thing is no matter what you fill your life with you feel empty without God............................

So the question is where do you stand, and what will you do about it?