Things that Amaze me

There are parents out there who have never had a baby in the NICU. Parents who have never had a child who has had an MRI, CAT SCAN, EEG, or even a blood test. There are parents out there who take for granted everyday how blessed they are. Am I jealous? Absolutely not!

Why you ask? Because I am a parent whose children have never undergone open heart surgery. My children have not had chemotherapy. I have never watched my child fight to breath, or live. I have never held my baby in my arms for the last time.

It amazes me how blessed I am. How blessed you are................

Now let me tell you about my day. For an EEG Xavier was allowed 3 hours of sleep. The sleep must be in the middle of the night with no naps after. We were scheduled for a 1:00 EEG. So at 3 AM he went to bed and at 6 AM we were up and running! Literally he ran all day everywhere! We spent the morning and most of the night watching one movie after another. I hate it, but tv was the only guarantee he would stay awake. Hailey woke up in the middle of the night and was fussy so that kind of interrupted our 3 hours of sleep! At 12:00 we headed to the hospital to find out that while we were plenty early the doctor's office had not authorized the EEG with insurance. Oh yeah did I mention the whole office was out to lunch! The lady at the hospital went all the way up to administration pulling strings, but when it came down to it they could not seem to get the woman in charge of sending the paperwork off excited about calling. She said she would call the next day. Now of course at this point I am about to unravel! I can't go without sleep again, and I have had a bit too much coffee so..................... I took the phone and spoke my mind. I did not cuss, but I was not kind. When I was done she agreed to call the insurance company. My insurance company was amazing they managed an approval and got it all faxed over in 20 minutes. With 1 minute left till they could no longer fit us in they ran us up to the EEG floor!

I was soo grateful I could have cried. We got the EEG done without tears and readjusting wires! He hates the wires and has trouble sleeping when they are behind his ears! I had to go pee the whole time and thought I might pee my pants! Seriously too much coffee and no time for the toilet because of all the crazy stuff!!! We don't know the results yet, but every EEG reminds me how blessed I am.

It doesn't matter if you have perfectly healthy children, or children who drive you crazy with all their medicines and tests each day is a gift from God. Don't forget they will grow up before you know it!

Laura Story

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we’d have faith to believe

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

What are you praying for?

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

What did you pray for last week? Think about it, because "what you pray reflects what you believe about God."-Craig Groeschel This week I prayed a lot of the prayers. Prayers that I pray every week. The same tried and true prayers. Lead ME God. Protect MY family God. Help ME to better serve your will. This week at church we heard an amazing message on BOLD prayer. I never really thought about the way I was praying, or what I was praying for. In Acts Peter and John prayed a bold prayer together to God. Acts 4: 29-30 Now, Lord, look on their threats, and grant to Your servants that with all boldness they may speak Your word, ³⁰ by stretching out Your hand to heal, and that signs and wonders may be done through the name of Your holy Servant Jesus.”
Have you ever prayed to be Bold? Do you believe God is in charge? What do your prayers say about you. Well self centered prayer says that you believe God exists to serve you. Imagine how God feels hearing our same old same old prayers. Our lukewarm prayers. God Be with us today..............God thank you for this................ How about if you don't pray unless times are really tough. Are you one of those who says well there's nothing more we can do so I guess now we pray. Is God your last resort?

What are you afraid of? If you pray big/BOLD prayers you can expect big/BOLD results. Is your faith strong enough that you can handle God saying, "no." God doesn't always say yes, but he will hear your prayer. Pray for Boldness, pray for miracles, pray for things that would change the world.
Acts 4: 31 And when they had prayed, the place where they were assembled together was shaken; and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit, and they spoke the word of God with boldness.
If you pray Bold prayers you may find that God will answer them as he did for Peter and John. What are you waiting for, your prayers could change the world.

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here


And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand


All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship


This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow

What are you afraid of

Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

You have nothing to fear so why are you so afraid? Seriously, what is the worst that could happen. If you were to step outside of your comfort zone, what would really happen?

In Acts in the bible the apostles were BOLD. They acted with confidence and without fear. Even when faced with death they stood boldly in faith teaching about Jesus. God empowered them to do something. To be BOLD. Yet here we stand afraid to get out of the boat. When confronted with those who choose not to believe. What do you say when your beliefs are challenged?

Acts 4: 8-10 ⁸ Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, said to them, “Rulers and elders of our people, ⁹ are we being questioned today because we’ve done a good deed for a crippled man? Do you want to know how he was healed? ¹⁰ Let me clearly state to all of you and to all the people of Israel that he was healed by the powerful name of Jesus Christ the Nazarene, the man you crucified but whom God raised from the dead.

Jesus's name was so controversial back then. This very statement was BOLD. This was a pretty crazy thing to do. What's the worst thing that could happen? Well they could have been killed. They could have been imprisoned indefinitely. These men didn't care they new Jesus and that made them BOLD.

2,000 years later his name is still controversial. Everything about him is still controversial. For those of you who are Harry Potter fans we all know the He Who Must Not Be Named. Lets not make the mistake of turning Jesus into that! Think about it in our effort to trivialize everything and be wonderfully politically correct what is the first thing we remove? That's right the name of Jesus. He is at the heart of it all. His name is Bold because what he did for you and for me is Bold.

"American Atheists sued New York state arguing that they oppose the placement of the steel beam cross in the 911 museum because they believe it is the only religious article getting special accommodation there."

While allowing other groups to limit their membership according to shared values, university officials had refused to recognize BYX as a registered student group because the fraternity limits its membership to Christian men.

Earlier this month, the Arizona Civil Liberties Union demanded that the state remove the statue from Wesley Bolin Park or be faced with a lawsuit. The challenged monument is one of twenty similar monuments that celebrate Arizona’s history, culture, and diversity.

On Aug. 9, a three-judge panel of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 5th Circuit denied the asylum application of Xiaodong Li of Ningbo, China, effectively requiring his deportation to China, where he faces two years of imprisonment, for being a Christian.
American Atheists sued officials of the Utah Highway Patrol and the Utah Transportation Department in 2005. The group claimed that the roadside memorials are a state establishment of religion, even though the memorials are fully funded and maintained by a private organization, the Utah Highway Patrol Association.

Times are not so very different. We are not so very different today. Be BOLD, do not stand back and wait for others. God has called us, called you. If you open your ears, your heart, your eyes; you can see where he will lead you. The more you know him the BOLDER you will be. That BOLDNESS will change the world. This is your life. What are you waiting for?
Acts 4: 20 ²⁰ We cannot stop telling about everything we have seen and heard.”

Some things are worth dying for

Isn't it amazing that we live in a world where we have enough to eat. Clothes on our back, roof over our head, more than enough of all the necessary things. Do you ever just stop and praise God for toilets, or toilet paper, bras, socks, carpet, or maybe air conditioning? What do you take for granted?

We live in a world of plenty, but not so far down the road are people who live in a world of deprivation. It is unimaginable to some that anyone would die fighting, or even choose to die for something we take for granted. Yet every day people are dying for things we take for granted. It has been going on for a very long time. In fact some of those people have died for you.
Mathew 25: 40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

No gift is too small in the eyes of God. When you look to your heart what are you doing for the least of these? Mark 12: 43 Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. ⁴⁴ They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on. She gave all she had some coins that were worth only a few cents. Look at all we have, no gift is too small , except the gift you never give. With all that we have our massive riches we must not forget that deprivation is just a little ways away. Jesus gave his life that we might live, what will we give?

A breath and a prayer

Chris Tomlin Everlasting God

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord

I just got back from the longest vacation known to man! Seriously it was sooo long! I am so happy to be home and after 33 degree weather you won't hear me complain about 105 degrees, well at least not a lot! Of course coming home means unpacking and trying to prepare for the mad dash of back to school!This is exhausting for both the kids and me!

In addition, I spent three days in a row at doctor's offices just to be scheduled for both the EEG and the next Ortho appointment on August 9th! Please pray for me as I will only be allowed 3 hours of sleep, since he will only be allowed 3 hours of sleep! Don't they know that sleep deprivation for my kid means sleep deprivation for me! If it all goes smoothly then we can hurry our sleep deprived whiny bottoms across town to the ortho to check out how he is walking without the cast and boot! So of course after all of this planning and doctoring I was tired! I needed a little nap, as we all do at times.

No sooner had I laid down but my door bell was rang three times quickly! This can only mean one thing, UPS or Fed EX. Sure enough UPS guy hands me an envelope and says have a great day. I am thinking WT-Heck I will never get a nap now! So I trudged my way into the kitchen and opened the envelope to find.............................a publishing contract for my book.

That's right after 6 months of writing, letters to publishers and agents alike, as well as countless waiting, and a lot of rejection I had in my hand a contract. Of course I have looked it over and am thinking I will proceed with it, although that doesn't mean a whole lot because it could take a while in finishing, but my book will be published.

So don't hold your breath, and please pray that everything will go off without a hitch! It still amazes me that a year ago as I was praying and reading my bible I found myself led to write this book. It amazes me that even when I told God I like Jeremiah was not worthy, he pushed me on. God gave me the strength in my rejections, the patience in my waiting, and the joy in what will come!
Psalm 27: 14 Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD!

Time Waits for no one

My baby will be 1 year old tomorrow! A year ago today I was going crazy waiting for her to get here! A year ago today I was wondering when she would get here and hoping it would be tomorrow. From the moment she was born till today a lot has changed. I am reminded of one of my favorite reflections on time:

To realize the value of one year:Ask a student who has failed a final exam.
To realize the value of one month: Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
To realize the value of one week: Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize the value of one hour: Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
To realize the value of one minute: Ask the person who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize the value of one second: Ask a person who has survived an accident.
To realize the value of one millisecond: Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics.
Time waits for no one.

You realize the Value of 4 days when your baby is in the NICU. I learned the value of an hour when it came to sleeping for the next few months. The value of a month is obvious in the milestones they reach, and now I can see the value of a year. Little ones are pretty amazing and Miss Hailey never fails to impress. We treasure her.

Recently a friend of ours from college told my husband you never really think that playing catch with your child, teaching them to ride a bike, seeing their first tooth, first step, first love, or first anything will really impact you that much until you face missing all those firsts. Life is scary and hard every day, but when you sit facing tomorrow realizing that all your dreams for your child might never come true life is impossibly hard. He said, " Treasure every moment, every milestone, and every day because when you sit facing the last that is all you have.

Hailey is quite the treasure. She can crawl and is starting to pull herself up. She only has 3 teeth and they are soo darn cute. Her favorite foods are cheerios, Nilla Wafers, and pretzels. She doesn't eat fruit unless it is pureed and mixed with baby cereal. She cries when you feed her ice cream, but then she wants more. She smiles at everyone and laughs at her siblings.

Just Remember

Tenth Avenue North: By Your Side
Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When Idrank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

Do you ever wish that you had a remote for your life. I think I once saw a movie like this. Adam Sandler starred in it and he had a remote and could fast forward through all the boring parts. I don't want to fast forward, but sometimes I want to rewind. To remember, to look , to relive the joy.Job 11: 16 Because you would forget your misery,And remember it as waters that have passed away, We must also remember the sad times, the grief, our lowest moments when we sought God and trusted him even in our pain. Today the message at church was about remembering, and it made me really think. I went back and looked remembering where I started with this blogging: February 22, 2009 if you click on the date you can read what I wrote in my second blog post ever!March 4, 2009, this one was after Xavier's first seizure, I can remember feeling lost and afraid wondering if what I believed was really true, and on March 21, 2009 ,I was still waiting for an MRI. Could my child have a brain tumor? Where was my God now? How about something wonderful, prepare yourself for this one it is mushy March 9, 2009, because he really is! What about remembering relief and knowing that the storm was waiting on the horizon, April 5, 2009, I had to decide if I wanted to continue teaching what I was currently teaching. The year was coming to a close and I needed a new job if I wasn't staying at my difficult current job. Here is one I should read every single time my kids are driving me crazy, April 19, 2009
As you can see there was so much going on in 2009 my life was in turmoil! Some of you know how hard it was for me, but some of you may not know. A little back story is in order I suppose. My husband and I had moved to Montana in 2007. We were going to be close to his father who had cancer and raise our children where we grew up. All our family was there and it just made sense. We didn't spend a lot of time praying about it; this was what our parents had been pressuring us to do for a long time. So on a bright July day we left our house, that was under contract, but not closing as it should, our friends, our old jobs which were very secure, and everything we knew. We set out to start a new life, but from the start it was harder than we expected. First Eric had trouble finding a job, good daycare was not plentiful, my job was cut at the end of the year, our dream house that we had chosen to build took 5 months longer to be built than planned. In the meantime we were blessed and surprised with a third child, and that of course meant the new house just wasn't quite big enough for us all. In 2008 I went to work at a job that challenged and frustrated me while Eric worked at a job that he just plain hated. It soon became apparent that we could not go on this way. Of course the housing market was tanking. Unemployment was at 17% in some areas, and there were no other jobs. What do you do when you run into a brick wall? You pray a lot and then you let God move the mountain, June 2009

So now you know how I got here. There is more to the story, but God moved me and I need to remember that every day. Once I arrived in his promised land, Oklahoma I know that sounds weird, everything changed. October 2009. 2010 brought so much to my life, and it would take a long time to go through it all with you, but suffice it to say God led me to do new and scary things. Every time I think that there is something in my life I cannot face God helps me. God has taught me that I am an overcomer. I know I cannot scale the wall of my own accord, but his divine boost gets me over every time. I am so glad that I started blogging, because at the time I had so much going on and wondered what was the point. I am so glad that I wrote it all down because I needed to be able to look back and remember. Sometimes we all need to to see a purpose beyond ourselves. Remembering can do that. It will direct our actions into the future. Remembering helps us reflect. History teaches us a lesson, and remembering makes us wise.

I would love for you to take the time and remember with me. To look back over my blogs and all that I wrote down, but more importantly I would like to encourage you to remember. Today in the wonderful message at church the two steps of memory were laid out for us:
1. Write it down
2. Tell it to others
This life that hasn't gone how I expected, and the blog that I started writing before I knew why I was writing it all lead to one place. The place that I am going on the road that he has led me to.
Luke 23: 42 Then he said to Jesus, “Lord, remember me when You come into Your kingdom.”

Tenth Avenue North
Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

(Chorus 2x)

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

(Chorus 2x)